First consult with donor doctor - and A New Hope! (Not the star wars kind)

I had an awesome conversation with the doctor today.  He not only went over the donor embryo program with me (which works completely differently than how I thought), he went over all of my options.  He had looked at all of my test results before calling, and had a lot of information to give me.

For one thing, he said that even though I'm 36 but have the AMH levels of someone in their 40s, all it really means is that I produce fewer eggs.  He said the quality of my eggs should be the same as any other 36-year-old, and if we can use medication to help me produce as many eggs as other 36-year-olds, there is no reason why I couldn't get pregnant without resorting to IVF or donors.  He suggested starting with a clomid cycle and seeing how my body responds and go from there.  I'm really excited about that.

He also went over different options for using donated eggs with my husband's sperm, some of which aren't that much more expensive than the donor embryo program (but there is no money-back guarantee), so we will be able to consider those as well.  He mentioned (which I already knew) that using a donor program isn't age-dependent, so if we wanted to try to have our own, we should try that first. 

So!  I have to go in for a saline sonogram on CD 6-10, which will be coming up soon (today is CD 22, so I'm expecting my period to start sometime in the next couple of days).  And then we can get started!  Yay!  And if things look really, really bad on a medicated cycle, we can always start a donor cycle of some sort right away.

Speaking of donor cycles...  I assumed a donor embryo program would be comprised of embryos that had been donated, such as in the case of a couple who produced numerous embryos, had finished building their family, and didn't want to destroy the extras.  This is not the case.  Apparently, they take donor eggs and donor sperm and create embryos that are then matched with multiple couples, which is how they keep costs down.  So they're not embryos that have been donated, they are embryos created from donor eggs and donor sperm.  It sounds kind of weird, but I find that I'm not as excited about that.  For one thing, my husband's sperm are (mostly) fine.  It seems weird to deliberately use donor sperm when we don't have to.  It's one thing if the embryos had already been created (waste not, want not and all that), but that's not what's happening here.

Anyway, following the doctor's suggestion, I tried calling to schedule my saline sonogram, and they woman who answered was super short with me.  She informed me that they haven't received the doctor's notes yet, and when they do, they will be calling me.  Apparently, I shouldn't be bothering them.  I hate it when a doctor us super helpful and the support staff is the opposite.  Don't they realize that if I'm coming there as a patient, I'm probably not in the best frame of mind?  I'm starting my period any day now!  I need to schedule this test ASAP!  I don't have months to waste, my AMH is dropping incredibly quickly!

Hospital bills

Ooooh, but first: house news!  Technically, our house sold today!  We're renting back through Saturday so we can move.  We signed the papers on the new house yesterday, and we should be on track for keys Friday, I hope.  The best part about it all is that we won't have a house payment until July, which is the most reassuring thing I've heard in quite some time.

Now to move on to what is frustrating the hell out of me.  I got a second bill for my surgery in January (the myomectomy to remove the fibroids that were supposedly preventing pregnancy, even though my AMH was plunging, unknown to everyone).  I had assumed that the first insanely high bill that we got covered the entire surgery.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Apparently, the first bill was just for physicians services, it didn't include the hospital charges, which are much, much higher.  The bill doesn't show what portion will be covered by insurance, so that will be a nice surprise when that bill arrives.

But here's the kicker: I dug out the first bill, which I had been planning to pay as soon as our house sold, and I noticed that I was being charged for a laparoscopy.  I didn't have a laparoscopy, I had a hysteroscopy.  So that's just one more thing I need to take care of.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will lower the cost of the procedure.  I really don't understand why we can't have simpler healthcare billing in this country.  It's just mind-blowing to me.

Anyway, today is my telephone consultation for embryo donation!  Yay!  I'm really looking forward to getting the (very expensive) progress started.

This week is going to be crazy

We begin moving Friday (I hope!).  I still don't know for sure when we're signing papers and when we get keys.  We spent the weekend packing.  I'm very concerned about the amount of stuff we have.  I was raised as a pack-rat, but I yearn to be a minimalist.  It's difficult trying to reconcile the two.

So I finally made my husband log in to Kaiser and get the results of his semen analysis.  Not all of the numbers were in the ideal range, but I honestly have no idea what any of them mean, or how important it is for those particular numbers to be in the ideal range.  We were filling out the questionnaire for the donor embryo program, and it asked for the date of the test and the results.  My husband wanted to write "everything was fine" under results.  I don't know if he just doesn't believe that his numbers weren't ok (I mean, they were close, but they were NOT in the ideal range), or if he's in complete denial.  I suggested he email the doctor to find out what the numbers meant.  He refused.  I'm still a little upset about that.  I could probably email the doctor myself, but I'm not sure he would tell me anything.

Anyway, we sent in all the paperwork, and I have a phone consultation with a case manager Wednesday.  I'm looking forward to getting started.  At this point, I'm about a week past ovulation, and no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever, so I'm assuming this cycle, like all the others, was a bust.  And, as these things are wont to go, it seems likely I will start my period Friday or Saturday, which are our two big moving days.  I'm not really sure, since my period has been awfully strange since all of the surgeries, but the last two cycles were 22 and 24 days, and today is day 19 of this cycle, so really, any time after Wednesday is fair game.  I'm going to have to start loading up on 800mg ibuprofen starting Wednesday night and hope for the best, I guess.

I also want to talk a wee bit about Kaiser and their programs.  On the one hand, having 50% coverage for everything other than IVF is pretty nice.  On the other hand, I never talk to one person who works on both sides - if I want to do IVF, I see this person.  If I want to try other things, I see this other person.  I never talk to someone who can tell me what my best options are.  It's driving me a bit batty.  Obviously, we're pushing ahead with donor embryos, but I wish I had seen someone before my AMH dropped so low who could have helped guide me to the best decision.

It's the little things

I ovulated over the weekend!  Yay!  It's definitely a little thing, but it was pretty awesome.  It was CD 12, so not bad at all, really (and I totally could have tested the last two cycles, but whatevs).  Obviously, it doesn't mean I'm going to get pregnant, but it makes me feel better to see the smiley face.  And today I got an email from the donor embryo program to set up my first appointment for next week.  Hooray!

And, for an added bit of cheer, a picture of my new kitty Nymeria:

We had to have our house re-inspected on Monday.  That was quite a pain.  The buyer requested that so many stupid little things be fixed, many of which were broken since before I bought the house (so it was the previous owner who caused the damage).  Since they have an FHA loan, I didn't have much of a choice, which was really irritating.  Despite arguing a LOT with my husband, who wanted to fix everything with some electrical tape, I manged to get it all done and we passed the re-inspection with flying colors.

Yesterday was the house and pest inspection for our new house.  Other than some possible problems with the roof, everything looks good.  We'll have a roof inspection to see if we need to try to ask for a credit for repairs/replacement, and then hopefully we'll be done, which I really am looking forward to.  This whole situation is really stressing me out.  We still don't know for sure what day the buyers will close on our current house, what day we'll close on our new house, when we'll get the keys, and when we'll be moving for sure.  I have a plan, and I'm hoping it works.  I'm already arranging things to make it work, so if things change, that won't be fun.

Yesterday was incredibly frustrating

First things first - we adopted another kitty!  I've been looking at getting another cat for a while.  Both of our cats are old, and they don't really spend time together.  We wanted another cat that would play with Boss and cuddle with Max (since Max doesn't play, and Boss isn't going to be cuddling with anyone other than me or my husband).  I'm a huge fan of Maine Coons, and we knew we wanted a young cat, but probably not a kitten.  At the beginning of the week, I noticed that the county shelter had a one-year-old Maine Coon, so we made plans to leave work early and go see her on the first day they were open.  We got there maybe 15 minutes before someone else who was interested and we went home with her that day, to the chagrin of the other potential adopter.  She's a complete sweetheart and is fitting in really well so far with our menangerie.

In other news, I am sick and tired of dealing with house stuff.  I'm ready to wash my hands of the situation completely.  Unfortunately, I'm the only one in the family who takes responsibility for all of these kinds of things, and so I can't just quite, but I'm completely overwhelmed.  Being in charge is completely overrated.  (Ironically, my 4.5-year-old niece told us last night that she thinks my husband is in charge because he's funnier - of course he's funnier!  He never worries about anything!).  The contractor came to do most of the work yesterday.  I'm not particularly happy with the job he did, but I really don't care anymore.

And...  my sister is pregnant.  I'm really, really happy for her.  She's wanted this for a while, and she deserves it and I love my niece and nephew so much and I'm excited to have another one around.  But I'm feeling very sad for myself today.

Beginning the process

We applied for the donor embryo program last night.  My husband was so helpful - his answers to all of the questions involved things like Jedi and Samuel L. Jackson.  He also insisted on weighing himself to get a very accurate weight, and he had lost weight without even trying.  Grrrrrrrrr.

I'm currently doing ovulation testing.  I hate it.  It makes me angry.  Yesterday I avoided drinking anything all afternoon, and I ended up not really needing to pee until it was time.  The day before, I forgot and had an emergen-C, and boy did the afternoon suck.  I had to go so bad by the time my husband came to pick me up, I was so happy we didn't hit much traffic on the way home.  I practically knocked him over running to the bathroom.

So our loan officer had been incredibly worried about the timing for our loan - we would have at most 20 days to get the loan approved.  I submitted all the paperwork Monday and crossed my fingers, and found out yesterday that it was approved after only 1 day!  So everything is going well, and hopefully I can start getting ready for moving by reserving a truck and trying to find people to help with loading and unloading, and boarding the dogs.  I just need to know the date that we're moving out and the date we get the keys to move in.  I'm fine with being "homeless" for a day or two, especially since my sister's wedding is right around moving time, so we can arrange to be out of town for one night while all of our stuff is stored somewhere (hopefully in a moving truck). 

I am, however, sick and tired of dealing with paperwork and loans and insurance and inspectors and appraisers.  It makes me want to take a week off, during which I will watch TV and nap and eat chocolate ice cream.

We made a decision

We're going to move forward with the donor embryo program.  When we talked about it last night, I was really nervous about making the decision.  But now that I've slept on it, I feel really good about it.  My biggest concern, by far, with proceeding with IVF was that we would end up with no embryos.  Or we would end up with maybe one or two and they would not be "good", as in genetically bad.  Or they wouldn't implant and that would be that.  We'd have squandered all of our money, and have no options left.  Considering my current AMH levels, and how quickly they've dropped, it was a terrifying prospect.

The donor embryo program is pretty awesome, too.  They ask for all kinds of information and try to get a close match.  Considering that we are open to adoption (but also worried about the time and cost involved), this seems like the best option for us.  We'll be filling out the paperwork tonight, and I can't wait to get started.