Not very grateful, aka the winter blues

I feel like I should write a gratefulness post, but I have to admit I haven’t been feeling particularly grateful lately. So I’m thinking I might write a post about the things that usually make me grateful, and expound upon why they’re not making me grateful right now, and hope that pushes me back towards gratefulness again. Looking back at July’s post about it, I’m a little surprised at how naïve I was.



1. My house. Right now, it’s feeling like a dead weight just sitting on me. It’s always a mess, things are always breaking, it’s incredibly disorganized, and it’s cold. And dark. And I’m thinking about doing something different with my life, and having a house to deal with is kind of a pain.

2. My job. Yes, I have a job. Getting a paycheck is awesome. But I don’t have a career, somehow I still don’t make enough money to pay for my lifestyle (which I’m slowly paring back), and I haven’t quite figured out what the point is of getting a paycheck if every month I’m just paying off debt, and that’s all I’ll be doing for the next 20 years. Seriously, what’s the point?

3. My physical abilities. Yes, I can run 12.7 miles! Yay! Unfortunately, I was in such extreme pain for days afterwards, that it made me realize how much I’m aging and how much less I’m able to do than other athletic people my age (and even older). I have YEARS of bodily neglect to undo, and it’s a daunting task. And, quite frankly, I’m tired.

4. My bike. I still love my bike. But it’s cold and rainy, and I haven’t had time for bike maintenance. And someone was attacked on the bike trail near my gym, which makes me awfully nervous. And now the bike trail near my house is flooded, so I pretty much can’t get anywhere for a while.

5. I wish I could say that I'm grateful for my snowboard, and really, I am.  But it's getting really old, and it's starting to get really banged up and I'm not sure what to do about it.  On top of that, my boots have gotten packed out and are no longer fitting properly, which is a serious safety issue.  If only I was independently wealthy!


I wish I didn’t feel so negative right now.

A not-so-quick update

I’ve had a satisfying couple of days, although I didn’t think it would turn out that way.

I had Thursday off, and my original plan was to take my brother-in-law’s cousin up to the mountains, as she’s visiting from Europe and hasn’t been able to get out much. Unfortunately, I got a text message late Wednesday night, saying that she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t think she’d be able to go. So I canceled my plans for Thursday and headed out to my mom’s house to have lunch with her and get some chores done. And I even managed to finish organizing my desk, so I finally felt like I accomplished something!

Friday was another day at work (very weird after having Thursday off) and after work I headed straight to Davis to meet up with some friends who were in town. I had a delicious vegetarian Chinese meal with a group of women (and it always feels weird to say that, even though we’re pretty much all over 30 now) and learned that one of them just became the executive director of Tree Davis, a non-profit tree-planting organization in town. I’ve been considering joining the Peace Corps, and was told by the recruiter to spend some time volunteering in preparation for applying, and to also concentrate on activities that I’m interested in. Because I’m an avid gardener and I enjoy being outdoors, I decided to look into volunteering opportunities with farms or other related groups. I was getting a bit discouraged by some of the groups out there, who won’t be having any volunteer activities for at least 6 months, so when I found out what my friend’s new job was, it seemed like a stroke of luck! I’ve already signed up for my first volunteer day, and I’m hoping to add a bunch more soon. I love volunteering and I love getting outside and I love planting things, so I think this will be a great new activity for me.

Saturday was the beginning of my girls’ weekend, although when I think about it, it really started Friday night. But I got up Saturday morning (over an hour later than I expected to get up) and went for an 8-mile run. I didn’t start to hurt until about 5.5 miles into it, so that was good, but still, I’m running 12.7 miles in a few weeks, so this whole “I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, pulled a bunch of muscles, and now can’t run very far” thing is really making training hard. I stumbled back to the house around 11:20, and then spent 40 minutes cleaning myself up and lying on the couch giving myself a pep talk before dragging myself to the “Christmas Around the World” that occurs every year at the local Greek Orthodox church. Now, when they say Christmas Around the World, what they really mean is “Christmas in North-East Africa, Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Russia” which isn’t too bad of a selection, I suppose, but is leaving several entire continents out. I loaded myself up with potato pierogies, cheese pies, spinach pies, herb pies, tiropita, and a hearty plate of Ethiopian food and headed back to my house to get ready for the descending hordes. Or really, the few people who had said they were probably coming at some point, but didn’t know when. Planning these big events is turning out to be a pain. But then everyone started trickling in, and bottles of wine were opened, and food was set out, and everyone pulled out their old clothes for the clothing swap, and it was great! Lots of fun, lots of good food and drink, and lots of new-to-you clothing.

We headed out after that for the Second Saturday art walk, which was strangely quiet this month. It was a somewhat disappointing evening out, but we managed to stay out awfully late in spite of that. Sunday morning was nice and lazy. I made a beautiful frittata with eggs from my friend’s chickens, we threw in some country potatoes and coffee cake, and lazed about before heading to the farmer’s market, which was also strangely uncrowded. I’m usually dodging people left and right as I work my way around the stalls, but this time was a breeze. Maybe the holiday weekend meant a lot of people were out of town. I picked up some sweet potatoes to make sweet potato gnocchi, a bunch of nice mushrooms, grapes, and corn. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with the mushrooms pretty soon, though.

I had to nap for a bit in the afternoon, and then I felt awfully groggy, but I FINALLY managed to pull out the quilt I started for my niece months and months ago and finished piecing together most of the top! Yay!!!! I’m hoping to have the quilt substantially done by this weekend, so that I can get started on the next quilt around Thanksgiving and have them both done by Christmas. That might be a bit optimistic, but I think if I set my sights high, I can get a lot done in a short time.

A really bad weekend followed by an even worse morning

Well, that didn’t last very long. What a horrible weekend. It started badly, with a phone call from the surgery center where I’ll be having surgery tomorrow. The person on the phone informed me that the money I’ve already paid to the doctor only covered the doctor’s services, and I’d be expected to pay quite a bit more for the surgery center’s services as well as the anesthesiologist. It was kind of a devastating realization. The medical bills keep piling up, and I don’t know what to do about it.

On Friday, I had some people over to play games in the afternoon, and then in the evening my roommate and I made dinner for friends of ours who just had a baby a month ago. My sister was going out that evening, and said to call her when dinner was over so I could meet her for drinks/music, so I called, and texted, and although she kept telling me that they weren’t done with dinner yet, she never called me back. I felt so alone in the world. After having no one to spend Friday night with, and finding out about even more medical bills, I spent the entire day Saturday in bed. I spent most of the morning crying in bed, and the entire afternoon and evening watching tv and movies, working on amigurumi projects for my neice and nephew, and sneezing uncontrollably, because the first rain of the season actually made my allergies worse instead of better. I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom, get some food (which I ate in bed), and get a beer from the fridge (which I drank in bed). The only thing that really made me feel better was watching the new Star Trek movie. Again. That always cheers me up.

Sunday was a bit better. I spent the day at my sister’s house, having a nice pancake brunch and carving pumpkins. The part of the day that sucked was running around in the pumpkin patch in the rain (by myself, of course) trying to find some decent carving pumpkins from what was left, and especially trying to find some that weren’t too big, because I assumed that they were sold by weight. Alas, they were $2.99 each, and I should have just bought three giant ones from the small pile that was under the overhang, where I wouldn’t have gotten soaked.

And then this morning just takes the cake. My alarm didn’t go off for whatever reason (unless I managed to turn it off in my sleep), but luckily my roommate woke me up somehow by making noise outside. Then I found all my Tupperware from last week in my bike bag, which I apparently forgot to clean out over the weekend. Oops. So I hurried to throw some food together and completely forgot to eat breakfast. I left for work extremely late because I took the time to put my new headlight on my bike, but the beam was so weak that I might as well not have even had it. As I was pedaling as quickly as I could to work, my stomach started growling loudly, reminding me that I had forgotten breakfast. Then, while waiting at a stop sign for a bunch of cars to go by, most of whom were turning and not using their turn signals, I decided to go for it during a break in traffic. I stood up on my pedal to push and BAM my foot slipped off and I landed partly on the seat and partly on the top tube. Boy did that hurt. I did the best I could to get to work as quickly as possible when I discovered that I didn’t have my badge with me and I had absolutely no idea where it even was. So I had to lock my bike outside because my badge is what gets me into the bike cage, which meant I had to take the headlight off anyway. So much for using my time efficiently. Hopefully the rest of the day will go better, but I’m not expecting much at this point.

Something's finally going right!

Well, I had a splendid night last night, thanks to my good friends who live less than half a mile from me. But first, some backstory. I’ll keep it short and sweet. Basically, about two weeks ago, my kitchen faucet, which had been acting funny for a while, finally broke completely, forcing my roommate and I to turn on the water using a pair of pliers. I finally got around to buying a new faucet last weekend, only to discover the next day when I tried to install it that there were several pieces missing. The weekend also proved to be disheartening. After spending an evening on the town Saturday night, we discovered that our bike lights had been stolen, and the next morning I woke up with a hangover to my roommate informing me that the toilet in her bathroom had started leaking all over. I was exhausted and not feeling well, and it seemed like everything was going wrong.

OK, back to the original story and why last night ended up so well. First, my roommate and I managed to take the toilet apart, replace the wax ring, and put it all back together in record time, with no accidents and almost no cursing. I decided to wait another day to exchange the faucet and buy new lights for my bike, so I made a quick dinner and settled down to eat. Just as I was finishing, my friends showed up. They’re a wonderful couple who are expecting a baby next month, and they came over to pick up some baby supplies my sister had given me to give to them. The husband, Mike, noticed the faucet sitting on my kitchen table, opened the box, found the one missing part that I actually needed (the other two were for an optional installation that wasn’t necessary for my countertop/sink type) and then proceeded to change out the faucet for me! While I’m sure I could have done it on my own, it was soooo nice to have something get fixed and not have to be the person to spend hours trying to figure it out and cursing a lot. Being independent and able to do everything for myself is nice, but it’s also really overrated. Sometimes it’s nice just to have someone around to fix things when they break. I feel like a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders. Tonight, I can go to happy hour with another friend and not worry that I’ve left my roommate without a working toilet or kitchen sink. Yay!

Oh, and a short update on the bathroom: Everything is done except the baseboards. The floor is uneven, but it’s not horrible, and the tile and colors and towel bars look awesome. My roommate did an amazing job decorating it, and it looks like a designer bathroom, and I absolutely love it. I’d like to get the baseboards in before the beginning of December so that I can have a combination Hanukkah dinner/bathroom grand opening. I’m just hoping to find the energy to redo my own bathroom next...

Alone

Lately, I’ve been feeling more and more alone, and I haven’t quite been able to put my finger on why. I know that part of it has to do with the vast majority of my friends getting married and starting families, while I can barely get a date. It seems the relationship train left the station a while ago, and I was late and missed it. Dang. And while I’m ok with being single, being one of the few single people I know is starting to take its toll. Everyone has their own family now. They don’t need my company anymore, and they certainly don’t have time for it. My circle of friends has slowly disintegrated until I can barely tell its there. And on those rare occasions when someone does manage to have some time to spend with me, I’m the one who has to put in all of the effort. After all, I’m the single one!

Another part of it is that I have been working in a field other than architecture for the last 7 months (and was out of work for 3 months before that). Architecture tends to be a very communal field. People work together on projects, and you rarely see real cubicles or offices in architecture firms, with most office layouts being very open. My new job is nothing like that. I sit in my enclosed cubicle for hours at a stretch without talking to anyone. I can literally go all day without having a conversation with another person. And then I go to the gym and either run (which is very unsocial, unfortunately) or climb, and when I climb, I talk my partner’s ear off because it’s the first human interaction I’ve had in some time. And then I go home, where my roommate is often not home or is busy working on projects in her room. So I’ve started watching TV, mainly because it makes me feel like I have some sort of community, even though the other people in the community are only characters, and they don’t even know I exist. But at least I’m a bit less lonely.

Something my sister said to me recently made me want to cry. She basically said that I was lucky to be single, because I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If only life were that simple! Yes, I might have a bit more freedom with my schedule, but I always have to do everything alone. Which often means I don’t get to do it at all, because it’s just not safe or efficient to do it alone (such as backpacking. I don't feel comfortable heading into the wilderness by myself). Also, it means that I HAVE to do all of the necessary things. I don’t have anyone else to pick up the slack. For example, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday. When I lay down, I felt better, but I was starving. But when I got up to make something, I felt so sick that I just wanted to lie down again. Since I’m single and have no one to help me out, I spent the day lying down and starving. It was one of the worse days I’ve had lately. And then I woke up this morning to a mess in my kitchen because there was no one else to clean it up. That's just not the way to start my week. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be feeling a bit better about all of this. And today I'm feeling much better physically, so at least that's a start.

Things have been kind of tough the last few days, and I’m not exactly sure why. I’m in the middle of tiling the bathroom floor, and it’s much more difficult that I expected it to be. I’m worried it’s going to turn out horribly, although I guess we’ll see when I’m done. At least the bathroom colors look great, and it will be nice to get the towel bars up, even if the floor is uneven. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not the end of the world, that if I ever have any money, I can redo the floor (professionally!).

In other news, I’ve become obsessed with bento boxes, or rather, the art and science of creating a bento meal (and not the box itself). It all came about when I mentioned to a friend of mine that I was interested in buying a bento-type lunch box, and she directed me to the blog http://justbento.com and now I’m hooked! I’ve figured out which of my containers will work for making the appropriately sized meal, so I’m not going to go out right away and buy a portable bento box. Before jumping in and spending a bunch of money, I’m just going to practice making bento-type lunches to bring to work with me. Today was my first attempt, and I’ve packed two small boxes (although I haven’t actually measured these particular boxes, I know they’re fairly small). One box is filled with two types of salads – a potato salad with a creamy sun-dried tomato pesto dressing, and a tomato and avocado salad with oil and balsamic vinegar. This box is basically leftovers from a barbecue this weekend. The other box has a medium-boiled egg for protein, and three large figs from my friend’s tree. I left the shell on the egg because the figs have been kind of sticky and I didn’t want to get the egg all sticky, although I suppose it doesn’t matter too much.

I’ve learned a few things from reading about the construction of bento boxes that I’ve found to be somewhat enlightening (as an architect, I love using the term “construction” for my lunch!).

1. First, presentation is nice, but it’s not the most important thing, and it’s only as important as you want it to be. As a beginner, I’m finding it really easy to just think about the content and not worry about how it looks. Presentation can come later, once I’ve got the basic idea down.
2. Second, it’s a great way to limit portions. Apparently this is a well-known benefit of bento boxes, but it’s new to me. As long as I’m putting relatively healthy, low-calorie (which generally means low-fat) foods in the boxes, I don’t have to worry about exactly how many calories are in each item. If I stick to non-refined carbohydrates (whole grains, etc), lean proteins (as a vegetarian/pescatarian, that means beans, eggs, and tofu with a smattering of fish), plenty of vegetables and fruits, and a small amount of healthy fats, generally olive oils and foods like avocados.
3. Third, it can be a great way to save money and to eat a more diverse meal. I’m guilty of packing boring lunches, I’ll admit it. Usually my lunch is a huge amount of leftovers from the night before, and that’s it. So if I make zucchini soup for dinner one night, that’s what I have for lunch the next day, and often for dinner the next night and lunch the day after that too. Zucchini soup, and lots of it. Making bento means I’ll be incorporating a greater variety of foods into each meal, and since the portions of each food are small, I can use up some of the small amounts of leftovers that I wouldn’t know what to do with otherwise.
   

The rest of my life has been extremely out of control, unfortunately. I haven’t had time to concentrate on my garden, my house is a mess, completely cluttered and in a serious and continuous state of disarray. The garage is an even bigger disaster, and I feel like I'm getting behind on my projects, especially the time-sensitive projects, such as the quilts I'm making for my new baby niece and nephew. As soon as the bathroom is done, I'm going to clean up my house and then start concentrating on those projects. Wish me luck, the next few months are going to be super busy!

Remodeling sucks

Yes, I said it. I know i'll be incredibly happy when it's done, and i'm a staunch DIYer, but this bathroom is just killing me. It started out incredibly well. Removing the baseboards and the toilet and painting the walls was easy. Unfortunately, when I finished painting the walls, the color didn't look nearly as good as I was envisioning, and I was worried that I'd be repainting soon. Nevertheless, I pressed on. Repainting the cabinets was much harder than I expected. The paint began to peel off when I removed the cabinet hardware, and I knew I'd have to remove all of it before continuing. Removing the paint took a really, really long time. But it was all worth it, because the cabinets look fantastic and the color combination makes the walls look good too.

Then it came time to do the floor. It didn't take too long to remove the old laminate, which was badly damaged where the toilet had been. I smashed my thumb in the process, but that was no big deal. But when I pulled up the plastic underlayment, I noticed that the concrete had been painted. I quickly searched online and discovered that the paint would have to be removed before tile could be laid down. I grabbed a scraper and set to work, but it was extremely slow going, so I headed over to home depot (my second home these days) and bought a paint stripper attachment for my drill. While it did work with only a little less effort than scraping by hand, it also created a ton of dust and made me start worrying that I was going to overheat the motor in the drill. Also, it was extremely slow going, and by that point I was exhausted, so I gave up for the evening.

This evening, I will probably head back to home depot (again) and try to find some sort of chemical stripping agent. Hopefully I'll be able to get that done tonight so I can get the tile laid tomorrow and grout on Thursday night, so that Friday I can install baseboard and maybe even get the toilet put back. After that, all I have to do is install towel bars. Yay! I can't wait to see what it's going to look like, if I manage to survive that long. Wish me luck!

Life is busy

Life has been INCREDIBLY busy lately. I was in a wedding recently that took up an awful lot of time, and although I had a lot of fun with it, I've gotten way behind on everything that needs to get done. Here's a small snapshot of where I am:

PROJECTS
I have a huge long list of projects, including:

Redoing the guest bathroom (painting, redoing cabinets, and tiling the floor)
Redoing my bathroom (same stuff)
Building a bar for the sunroom
Furnishing the sunroom, including finding/making a low table and making floor cushions
Refinishing the sewing table a friend gave me, and building a shelf for my sewing maching to sit in it
Finishing the quilts I've started for my niece and nephew
A dozen other small projects, such as repairing the clock my friend made for me
Organizing my whole house and all my files

I don't know when all of these projects are going to get done. It makes me want to cry just looking at the list. I guess I just have to keep going one step at a time. Also, the September craft challenge on the Crunchy Chicken site is inspiring me to get at least one project done. Hopefully I'll keep you posted.

GARDEN
It doesn't seem like the season should be over yet, but my garden is definitely winding down. The tomato plants are all dead or dying, the squash is barely producing, and the cucumbers all died. Only my Japanese eggplant produced at all this year. On the upside, the tomatillo produced like crazy and the bell peppers are starting to, after a very chilly summer (relatively speaking, of course). I've learned a few things for next year. For one thing, I'm going to have to work a LOT on my soil. It doesn't drain well at all, which I think is contributing to my tomato problems. This year, I added a lot of composted manure, which I think is why the peppers and tomatillo have done well, and the zucchini did better than usual. Next year should be even better, I hope. It does get awfully frustrating, though.

HOUSE
Some of my house projects are listed above. I also need to get out into the yard and do some serious work out there, plus I want to completely purge everything. Just because I have room for something I will never use doesn't mean I should keep it just in case. I need to make better use of Craigslist and Freecycle to get rid of the extra stuff. And, on top of all of this, I got a call from the HOA for my neighborhood saying that someone had complained about my yard. So I got someone to fix the sprinkler system, which put a HUGE dent in my plans to pay off my credit card quickly (although I'm still hoping to have it paid off by the end of the year, even if it means I only get to eat beans for a month). And I have to wonder which neighbor complained, and why nothing has been done about some of the other residents whose yards truly look bad (whereas mine looked a little untrimmed, other yards could be considered a wholesale mess). It's not the most welcoming feeling when moving into a new neighborhood.

So I'm definitely looking forward to a long weekend this weekend, which will hopefully be spent completely redoing my guest bathroom. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

More gratefulness

I haven't written a gratefulness post lately, and today I'm actually feeling grateful for quite a few things, so here we go. I think the list might get quite long:

1. My house. I LOVE my house. It's like living in a mid-century modern resort. It's awesome. It's beautiful. It's wonderful. Granted there are a few things I'd like to change about it (new windows, new kitchen cabinets, new bathrooms), but overall, it's just great.

2. My furniture. I do feel rather lucky that my dad loved mid-century modern furniture and insisted on buying a lot of it in the 70s, and now that I have a house, my mom, who doesn't really appreciate the furniture, is foisting it all onto me. Hooray!

3. My cat, even though sometimes I think he's trying to kill me. After my alarm went off this morning, he got up, stretched, climbed up onto me, sat down on my shoulder and then flopped onto my face so that I couldn't breathe. He then proceeded to purr contentedly. At least he's the cutest cat in the world and has very few annoying and/or destructive habits. And he keeps me warm in the winter.

4. My bikes. I know, I have too many bikes. But I love them all.

5. My free time. I figure it's good to post some non-material list items too. I love that I've been able to work out a budget so that I can pay off my credit card debt very quickly and live very comfortably on my current salary, which by a college-educated Californian's standards isn't all that much (but more than I've ever made before).

6. My physical abilities. I love that I can go rock-climbing, running, swimming, biking, snowboarding, hiking, backpacking, and all that other good stuff.

7. Food. Good food. And lots of it. The fact that I have a community garden plot and that there are so many great farmer's markets in the area really compound this one.

OK, that's enough for now. Lunch is almost over.

A double dilemma

So I've got a bit of an odd dilemma and I'm not sure very many people will be able to see my point of view here. I saw a picture in the paper today of the children of one of my high school acquaintences, a pair of 5-year-old identical twins. They were cute little boys - and they were dressed exactly alike. I wanted to scream with frustration.

You see, I'm an identical twin. Until I was ten years old, my mother and grandmother dressed my sister and I exactly alike, as if we were dolls or toys and not two different people with individual personalities. The vast majority of people at my school, including the teachers and administrators, couldn't tell us apart and gave up on even trying to learn my name. I was always just an anonymous face in the crowd, and that feeling has presisted into adulthood. Even now, 22 years later, I'm shocked and grateful when someone actually remembers who I am. If people want to dress their twin babies alike, that's fine with me, but once a child is old enough to start meeting people and making friends, and developing a unique personality, it's really unconsionable to make it more difficult for them just so that the parents (or grandparents in some cases) can get attention forbeing the progenitor of twins. When I see parents with twins who are dressed alike, I want to go up to them and mention that they are doing their children a disservice to treat them like objects instead of people, but I worry that the parents will be offended by my purporting to know more than they about the raising of twins (never mind that the parents probably have no actual experience in BEING a twin).

This then brings up the question of what do I do when I know the parents in question? True, we've drifted apart over the years, but we're now friends on Facebook, and I always feel an obligation to step in and defend the rights of twins to be individual people too. Since I've always been a twin and don't really know what it's like to be a 'singleton', I would really appreciate the advice of other singletons out there for how to deal with this. Do I say something or mind my own business?

Another month gone by

How does this keep happening? How is my life so insanely busy that I never seem to have time to write?

Well, first of all my sister is pregnant with twins and just about to pop, and she's also moving (with her husband) into a partially remodeled house, so I've been spending a LOT of my time helping her out. The upside is that I've been getting an incredible amount of exercise and have lost some weight without really even trying. The downside is that I haven't had a whole lot of free time to spend on myself. Also, I'm exhausted and my back is killing me. At least they're just about done, but I have a feeling I'll be spending more time helping with the cleaning and unpacking in the near future.

In my own life, things haven't changed much. I'm still single, although I won't be alone for too long - one of my best friends is moving into my extra room, which will provide me with some company as well as some much-appreciated help with the mortgage. Still, I'd hoped that once I got my life squared away - dealing with the passing of my beloved cat, finding a great place to live, and starting a decent job - I could finally find the one thing that has eluded me all these years; a happy relationship. It just doesn't seem to be on the horizon, even though I've been branching out, trying to meet people, and even going on a few dates. I worry that I will be single for the rest of my life, and I really don't like that idea.

My garden is coming along nicely. After digging in 18 bags of steer manure mixed with compost, the plants are doing quite well. I'm hoping to get a nice crop of tomatoes this year, although with the cold weather we've been having, I doubt the bell peppers will do very well.

I'm really hoping to have some quiet time in the next few weeks in order to spend some time on myself. We'll see how that goes, I guess.

New house!

I've finally moved into my new house, despite all attempts by my control freak mother to prolong it as long as possible, and I love it! It's a 1300-square-foot, two-bedroom, two-bathroom beauty, complete with sunroom and koi pond. I moved in for good last Friday after spending a week and a half lugging carloads over from my mom's garage. My cat came with me the same day, although he wasn't nearly as happy as I was about the situation. He's prone to carsickness, so he ended up throwing up his breakfast all over himself and then crying the rest of the way. I felt so bad for him! And then the first experience he had when we arrived was a nice, warm bath, every cat's favorite activity. Needless to say, he hid under the bed for the next two days.

I still have so much more work to do to make the house liveable, and I'm now flat broke, so I'm not sure how much will get done before the end of the year. I have to finish unpacking, rearrange furniture, hang stuff on the walls, and plant all of the plants that I bought that are waiting impatiently to go into the ground. Plus, I'd like to get started soon on redoing the bathrooms. Luckily, they're small, and the majority of the work I need to do is to paint the walls and cabinets and tile the floor. However, even that small amount of materials is more than I can afford, so I'm just going to have to get used to making do with what I've got. On the upside, I've got plenty of room for entertaining and for guests to stay, so I'm excited to finally start having people over again.

I've carved out some time to get my garden going this year. It took me three separate days of one to three hours of work to clear out the weeds and mix in 18 cubic feet of amendments, basically steer manure mixed with compost. The soil felt so much better afterwards, but I think I'm going to need another year of amending the soil at several-month intervals before it's up to the standards of some of my garden neighbors. I rotated the beds this year, putting the tomatoes on the West side, the peppers in the southeast corner, and the squash, cucumbers, and eggplants to the north. I've planted six heirloom tomatoes (including two purple varieties, a green zebra, a red italian variety, a yellow-orange hillbilly, and a yellow pear), 18 romas for making sauces and pastes, 18 red peppers, 6 purple peppers (which seem to be "in" this year for whatever reason), 2 orange peppers, a green tomatillo, around 20 bush beans (some of which I'm hoping will be purple, the rest green), 12 pole beans, four types of squash (including a pattypan, a yellow squash, a light green speckled squash, and a standard dark green zucchini), three types of eggplants (Japanese, dark purple, and rosa bianca), three types of cucumbers (one lemon, can't remember what the other two are), and 5 basil plants. I'm so excited to watch my garden grow this year after the disappointment of last year.

Anyway, as you can see, things are finally going well for me. I'm hoping this keeps up, as the last few years have been pretty rough, culminating in an entirely terrible past six months. I'm looking forward to a happier time in my wonderful new house!

More changes

When I wrote that last post, I didn't realize just how much my life would keep changing. I'm still living out with my mom, which has proven to be extremely difficult. More difficult than I thought it would be, in fact. But on the extreme upside, I'm now in escrow for a house that I absolutely love. I'm afraid that I love it a little too much, because I'd rather not stay in Sacramento for the long haul and even though the house isn't mine yet, it already makes me sad to think of leaving.

In other, much sadder news, my cat, Akaya, passed away somewhat suddenly. I've written about her health problems before, and I was beginning to think that they were under control, but I was horribly, horribly wrong. As it turns out, she probably did have cancer after all, and it was slowly killing her and I never knew. I don't really want to go into all the gory details, but suffice it say that she collapsed on March 24, 2010, and even though the vet tried very hard to save her, she died in my arms around midnight. I knew the day would eventually come, but it was so much harder than I ever thought it would be, and there's such a big empty hole in my life right now. I'm doing my best to soldier on (I mean, she was a cat, these things happen) but she was a big part of my life for so long, that it's really hard to get used to not having her around. As difficult as she was to take care of, I was always so grateful for her companionship.

But on to happier things - I started my new job and I'm really enjoying it. I'm learning a lot, I'm getting involved in politics and public policy, and I'm earning a paycheck, all of which are good things. I'm not enjoying commuting right now, and so I'm really looking forward to when I'll be living right near downtown and not driving over an hour a day for work.

In the meantime, I'm trying really hard to get back in shape and eat healthfully. The buying of said house has forced me to stop going out to eat completely, and I've been spending a lot more time at the gym, although I don't feel like I'm gaining ground on getting in shape.

Life it keeps a changing

It's been almost five weeks and I still haven't heard anything about when I'll be starting work. I've moved in with my mother against my better judgement, and it's been really difficult. I've also developed gastritis, which is basically an inflammation of the stomach, and it's extremely unpleasant, so I would advise avoiding it if you can.

I'm coming to a few more realizations about my life - for one thing, I really have no idea what I want to do or where I want to live, and I have no idea how to figure it out. I also think that there are three big things in life - family, community, and work. In order to be happy, it's important to have a family who loves you, a community (such as friends) who cares about you, and work that you love. I feel like I don't really have any of these things. Everyone in my family has all started families of their own, so to them I'm becoming extended family, and I don't know if I'll ever start my own family. I have friends, but almost all of them have moved away, so they're not in my life so much anymore. And I don't have any work, much less work that I love. All in all, I'm just feeling a bit lost.

Still, I think it's important to be grateful if I can, so I'm going to give it a try:

1. A place to live. Losing my apartment really sucked, but I'm glad that I at least have a place to live in the meantime. Even if it's so stressful that it's causing me real physiological damage.

2. A working car. I live out in the boonies now, so I'm grateful that I have a car that will get me out of here from time to time.

3. My bicycles. When the weather clears up, this should be a nice place to go bike riding.

4. I can't really think of anything else right now :(

A time of change

Wow, time keeps getting away from me. It's been almost two weeks since my last blog post, which is amazing when I really stop to think about it. Where did the time go? So much has happened in the last week, that I think it just slipped right into the future without me even noticing.

What's happened, you might ask? Well, all in one day I found out that I would be losing my apartment and gaining a job. I'm feeling a bit unsettled by all of this. On the one hand, I'm incredibly happy to have been offered a job, even if it's not in my original field. On the other hand, I'm not very happy about having to move. I love my place. It has everything I wanted and it's in my price range, which is awfully hard to find. The worst part is that I'm not only losing my apartment through no fault of my own, but it's that I'll be losing my security deposit as well. Oh, and finding another apartment before I actually start a new job is also going to be difficult, hence we move on to what may be the next stage in my life: home ownership!

I haven't actually decided about buying a house. I think I'll just move in with my mother for a while, difficult as that may be, and consider my options while saving some money, while also helping her to sell her house. It's the best interim plan I can come up with, so it's with trepidation and a hint of hope that I'm embarking on this new stage of my life.

Some realizations

I've come to a few unsettling realizations lately and I'm not sure what to do about them. Perhaps I'll share them and ruminate on them a bit (isn't that a great word?).

1. I may want to have kids after all. I think my lifelong aversion to being a mother really is an aversion to being a typical American mother. After seeing the workings of families in Europe, I've realized that in order to be a mother, it's not necessary to give up everything about oneself that doesn't relate to motherhood, the way American women tend to become a veritable Stepford wife once they give birth (not all women, of course, just most of them). I don't want to be only someone's wife or someone's mother, I want to be me. But I'm realizing that doesn't mean that I can't have kids - I just don't want to have kids the American way.
2. I may be single for the rest of my life. I've only been on a few dates in the last 4.5 years, which doesn't bode well for my future if I want to get married. While it's easy to blame American men, who won't give me the time of day because I don't look or act like Paris Hilton, I also have a bit of an aversion to putting myself out there. That doesn't seem to have stopped other people from getting married, but it seems like it's going to stop me.
   
3. I'm probably not cut out to be an architect. There were times in both undergrad and grad school when it seemed very likely that I wasn't going to pass a crucial class, and that failure would have completely disrupted my schooling and my plans for graduation. It wasn't because of a lack of effort, but more a complete lack of understanding. While I managed to (just barely) finish both degrees, and even learned the lessons that I should have learned much earlier, I probably should have taken the hint the first time and bowed out before I accrued so much student loan debt. I might be doing something boring, but at least I would have freedom rather than a prison of debt.
   
4. I'm never going to have the life I always thought I would. I'll probably never be able to buy a house, I'll never live abroad, I won't be able to travel too much, and I'm not sure I'll ever manage to leave Sacramento. I'm having a hard time giving up some of my dreams, but the sooner I do it, the happier I will probably be.

I'm not sure what this means for right now. I feel like I'm spending time waiting for my life to start. Obviously, life is going on right now, and nothing new is going to happen unless I make it happen. I'm just not sure what I want to happen. Perhaps once I figure that out, everything will fall into place.

Please stop the apostrophe abuse!

I spend a lot of effort restraining myself from jumping into conversations or marking up emails and being the grammar police. Bad grammar drives me crazy, but apparently it does not drive other people nearly as insane. However, the vast proliferation of apostrophes in places where they do not belong is about to push me over the edge.

You see, when it comes to pluralizing something (that is, taking one and making it more than one), English is a very, very, very simple language. You just add the letter s. If the word ends in the letter s, you just add es. Does no one remember this from their grammar school years? I have one cat, now I have two cats. How many shoes do I need for a pair? Two shoes. I have four chairs in my kitchen. There are three wine glasses on the table. It is winter, one of the four seasons, and there are clouds in the sky. Earth is one of eight planets in the solar system.

That was easy, right? Just to show you how easy it is, I wrote this entire post without a single apostrophe, and there are plural words all over the place. If I can do it, you can do it. So get out there and start practicing proper use of the apostrophe!

Packaging! And bulk!

What is up with the ridiculous amounts of packaging? It's going to drive me nuts. I went to costco the other day to buy in bulk for the next few months/years. One of the things I bought was a package of 10 Britta filters. I didn't really need 10 filters, but that's how things work at Costco, so into the cart they went. Upon arriving home, I opened the box to pull out a filter, and inside I found... more boxes! The filters were packaged in boxes of five filters, and those boxes were then placed inside the larger box. Additionally, each filter comes in it's own plastic bag. What an awful waste of resources.

I'd like to add a little note about buying in bulk. There are two different ways to buy in bulk, and I'm not sure that the difference is always appreciated by consumers. One way is the Costco way - you buy a lot of one item at a discount, often ending up with more than you really need. This way works best for businesses, groups such as church groups, and large families. The other way is to buy from the bulk bins at a store, such as a local food co-op or natural foods store. The store buys in bulk at a discount, and passes those savings on to you - you buy only the amount you need, generally without a lot of extra packaging as well, and everyone wins!

Getting ready for a week of ?

Normally I would spend Sunday preparing for the week ahead. This is a new time in my life, though, so I'm more preparing for the long-term. I have a whole list of projects that I plan to get started on, and I'm hoping I can structure my week like a regular work-week, except instead of working for money, I'll be working for my own well-being. For example, every day I hope to spend some time working on my portfolio in case I decide that I actually want to do architecture again, some time studying things I want to study, and some time working on projects that I've been procrastinating. Also, I plan to spend time going to the gym, and I'm hoping to start getting a reasonable amount of sleep, which has always been a problem for me.

One of the things that I did today that is a normal Sunday activity for me was to go to the farmer's market, which improved my mood considerably. There's nothing like seeing piles of fresh produce in January for reasonable prices, grown locally by actual farmers, to make me happy. I bought mandarins, Brussels sprouts, lettuces, two types of mushrooms, potatoes, and squash. That should easily get me through the week, if not farther. I'm excited to make mushroom soup, tomato-squash soup, and roasted Brussels sprouts with potatoes.

So at this point, it's a matter of deciding what I want to do each day (in addition to looking for a job, of course). I plan to spend two days working out at my mom's house, and then the rest of the week is mine! All mine! It's a bit of a strange feeling to have so much time for myself. I'm a little worried that I'll get too used to it.

A new year, a new decade?

I start this new year near rock bottom for me. I was recently admitted to the ranks of the unemployed (which has me doubting my value as a person as well a my career choice), so many of my friends have moved away, and I have almost no family to speak of. Therefore, I think it might be time for a New Year's Resolutions post as well as a gratefulness post. I'll start with 5 things I'm grateful for and then move on to some resolutions.

1. My apartment. I love it. It's especially nice during the day when the light is coming in and I can see the plants outside. There's something awfully nice about being able to see plants outside your window. I can't wait to actually use the yard when it gets warmer.
2. My garden. I'm hoping to spend more time there as we head into spring, but for right now, I'm quite happy just to know it's there waiting for me.
3. My cats. I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's so nice to have unconditional love from someone, even if that someone is a cat. They've been really good lately, not making nearly as many messes as usual, and being much more loving and cuddly. It makes me very happy.
4. Snow. I wish I lived closer to snow, but it's pretty darned close as it is.
5. Having warm clothes. I don't think I really appreciate it enough. Warm clothes are good.

OK, on to resolutions:

1. Lose weight and get in shape. A usual resolution. I've done it before, and I can certainly do it again.
2. Climb a mountain or two. This goes hand-in-hand with resolution #1.
   
3. Find a job that I look forward to doing.
4. Stop drinking soda. So far, so good. I was really tapering off during the month of December in order to prepare for this, and it's going well.
5. Become a cleaner, more organized person.

It seems I'll have to spend some more time thinking about this. I want my list to be attainable and reasonable, so I don't want to just write down any old thing. So I'll start with some baby steps.