Waiting

CD 1 and CD 2 have come and gone.  We decided to wait one more cycle to start IVF.  I'm quite unhappy with the whole situation, but I can't really do anything about it until we get moving sorted out.  I think we'll try regular IVF once and hope that it works out.  If by some miracle we end up with two or more embryos, we'll use the program that allows us to do multiple transfers for free if we agree to only do one at a time.  If it doesn't work ou, maybe try with donor embryos?  I just don't know.  We won't have any money left at all at that point, although I'm currently looking into an IVF loan.  Which is pretty momentous, since I despise all forms of debt.  As soon as I realized how difficult it would be to pay my student loans back, I decided never to take on debt, other than a mortgage.  And now I have a loan for three motorcycles, although that will be paid off in the next few months.  But I've never had a car loan (in fact, I've never paid more than $3000 for a car).  I never keep much on my credit card for any length of time, except for right now since we're about to move.  I hate the thought of borrowing so much money for something that has such a low chance of working.  I hate the thought of borrowing money for something that is a sure thing, but at least you can feel ok about it.

I finally told my boss about IVF.  In addition to moving, IVF is going to cause me to miss quite a bit of work (not full days, though).  In the next few months.  He knows people who've done it, and seemed confident it would work.  I didn't really want to get into the details about my diminished ovarian reserve.  My office is a wonderful place - everyone is incredibly kind and supportive, and looks for any excuse to celebrate someone who deserves it - buying a house, getting married, having a baby, running a marathon, ANYTHING is worth celebrating.  Everyone participates regardless of gender.  We go out for lunch or gelato regularly.  It's really an amazing place to work, even though I'm not that excited about what we actually do.  But I'm the only one struggling with infertility - out of the 12 or so staff members in my group, one had a baby a few weeks ago, one is due any day now, and another is due in two months.  Another has 1.5-year-old twins, one has a 2-year-old, and has a 6-month-old.  There are babies EVERYWHERE.  I am so very happy for all of my coworkers, but it can be hard not to let it get me down.