CD 1

Today it starts.  What this means: I just had a 19-day cycle, which is just insanely short.  It means I go in tomorrow for my baseline ultrasound.  It means, assuming everything is ok, I start injections on Saturday, the day of my housewarming party.  What fun!

My husband was a complete jerk about it this morning.  I mentioned that I would be calling the clinic and would try to schedule an appointment.  I also told him that I was worried that most of my cycles lately have been too short.  He then told me that I needed to stop being so nervous and that all of this was no big deal.  I explained to him that, since he hasn't gone to most of my appointments, he wouldn't know that I had been told that shorter cycles was a sign of impending menopause.  He scoffed at me, telling me that was impossible since I'm so young, and I told him age didn't matter, you start menopause when you run out of eggs, and I'm running out of eggs really quickly.  So then I accused him of not being supportive, and he vehemently disagreed.  I'm starting to get pretty angry about his attitude.  I don't feel like I'm asking too much, honestly.

I'm feeling quite apprehensive about my professional life as well.  I didn't get the promotion I applied for.  It's not a terrible thing, and I suspect I didn't get it because they didn't want to do another round of hiring to fill my old position.  I was recently "transferred" from one position to a different position within my branch at work, and they haven't filled my previous position as it is, which means I'm covering two positions now.  I don't think they wanted me to move onto a third so quickly, even though the first transfer was involuntary.  While my job isn't all that bad, and it certainly helps pay the bills, it really isn't what I want to be doing.  Not getting the promotion is making me question why I'm staying, but the truth is I've stayed here so long because I have no idea what else to do.  My previous occupation is far too volatile for someone who is the primary breadwinner in the family.  I wasn't good enough at it to rely on it for a decent income, plus my current health issues would make it really difficult.  I would love to go back to school to study computer science or physical science, but I'm still paying loans for the degree I already have (which I don't even use).