not expecting much

I finally figured out why the doctor (incorrectly) thought I had two follicles.  During my previous cycle, the NP was having a hard time finding my left ovary, and when she did, the follicle was hiding a bit.  She ended up measuring it twice, the first time at 18.1, and the second time she told the medical assistant to just put over 18 in my chart.  The assistant must have entered the measurements as two different follicles.  I’m pretty angry that a stupid little mistake like that is costing us so much money, although I shouldn’t be surprised after the charting debacle after my surgery.



I had a follicle check on Friday showing the exact same thing as my follicle check last cycle, two larger follies and one smaller one.  By Monday (yesterday) we had only one viable follicle, a little farther behind than last cycle at 17 and change.  I was so upset I cried.  I don’t know why we’re spending all this money to just get one follicle, it seems like such a waste.  It also seems likely this cycle won’t succeed.  Needless to say, we’re moving on to a different clinic, and most likely IVF with donor eggs or embryos.  It won’t be covered by insurance at all.  It will probably cost close to $20,000.  We’re already tens of thousands of dollars in debt for student loans, we just found out yesterday our car will probably need a new engine, and our credit card bills are getting higher and higher.  I feel like we’re drowning.



Yesterday was a bad appointment in another way too.  Because the clinic close to my house didn’t have any appointments, I had to go to the medical center that is much farther away.  The far-away center has a regular women’s clinic waiting room and a waiting room for women’s specialty healthcare (which includes infertility, as well as other things).   Unfortunately, they no longer staff the specialty waiting room, so us infertiles have to stand in line with all the pregnant women.  And, because how much you pay depends on what insurance plan you have and what the doctor ends up doing, you have to stand in line once to check in, and then again after your appointment in order to pay.  There’s nothing more frustrating than coming back to that room after receiving not-so-good news, having to wait in line in a room full of pregnant people, and paying $80 to hear bad news while the pregnant woman in front of you paid $5 for her appointment, and then go to the pharmacy to wait another 20-30 minutes to pay hundreds of dollars for fertility medication.



On top of all of this, I feel like my health is really suffering.  I weigh more now than I ever have in my entire life.  My BMI is 25.3, which is officially overweight.  This fact is causing me to get depressed and then I eat more to cope.  I’m too tired to exercise most of the time, and I was warned against it by my doctors who said that with how large my ovaries would get, I could risk ovarian torsion.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  MY one little follicle is hardly in danger of causing any problems, so  I could have been exercising all this time.  Luckily, this will be our last round of IUIs, and I doubt we’ll be using my eggs going forward, so I can go back to exercising.  Of course, that will be harder since I will most likely be quitting the gym to save money, but I can make it happen.



IUI on Thursday morning.  My husband is going with me so we can file a grievance regarding the incorrect charting that led to the doctor refusing to increase the dose of medication.  We don’t want to pay for a flawed cycle, especially when I voiced my concerns and the doctor was a complete jerk about it.