You know how yesterday, I mentioned how I wasn't sure how we would afford IVF unless our house magically sold for asking? Guess what happened a few hours after I posted that? So now what? We need to figure out where we're moving, and soon!
D is being a pain in the you-know-what about the doctor's appointment next week. It's true his job is less flexible than mine, since he works in a shop and not an office, but it's frustrating dealing with all the scheduling. He's insisting on going to the appointment, which is good because they really want him there, but he's making a big deal about taking time off work. Which is a pain, yes, but I can't really do anything about it.
Anyway, big changes coming. If there's anything I don't like, it's big changes and uncertainty. Not knowing where we're going to be living is stressing me out a wee bit. And, if it were up to you, what would you do? Try to buy a less expensive house that needs work? Or go for the more expensive house that's pretty much ready to go? I mean, both houses are perfectly livable, but the cheaper one has a really, really, really, really old kitchen and crappy bathroom that could easily be enlarged and made nicer, but time, money, and effort would be required. But at the end, I could have everything exactly how I want it. The more expensive house is move-in-ready, but totally not my style and I'd want to change everything but I have no reason to, so I can't really justify spending the money. And it's much closer to places that we'd want to go, so less time commuting would be good. It's so hard to know what to do! But I guess having options is good.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
IVF
Well, here we are. Back when we started trying for a baby, I figured it might take a few months, maybe even up to a year. I thought maybe we'd have to do some IUIs. Maybe. But it's become clear that if we want to have a baby (or really, babies), we need to get serious, and we need to get started.
I just scheduled our IVF consultation for next week (which is SO not ideal, considering D has so little time off at work and I have a huge deadline next week, but the doctor has limited availability so what can you do?). I can't believe we're at this point already. I honestly have no idea how we're going to pay for it, unless our house magically sells for asking price, and we manage to get a good deal on a new house, or we drain our savings, which I really don't want to do. D is adamantly against taking any help from his parents, who really want us to be able to have a family and have been extremely supportive. He is also adamantly against crowd-funding (is that what the young people are calling it nowadays?). After seeing some of my younger compatriots raising money on the internet for such things as replacing their stolen bike (this request was from someone who can EASILY afford a new one), I have to agree that asking for money is not what I want to do. But still, it's a lot of money, and we're not wealthy, nor do we have insurance coverage for IVF.
The surgeon who removed my fibroids suggested we try naturally for another 6 months, and sneak another HSG in there to make sure the surgeries didn't obstruct my tubes. But by that point, I'll be 37. I know from reading other blogs that IVF can take some time, and waiting 6 months before we even start the process just doesn't seem like a good idea, especially considering my not-so-good AMH and FSH levels last summer - one year before the doctor's proposed move to IVF.
We're Kaiser members, and I'm pretty excited about their new program where we live. Because I'm 37 or younger (another good reason NOT to wait), if we can produce up to 3 embryos and are willing to only transfer 1 during the first attempt, they will freeze two extras and transfer them for free (either one at a time, or both together) in future attempts if the first doesn't work out, for no additional cost. This is not actually meant to be a cost-saving program for patients, although it can end up that way. The primary goal of the program is to reduce multiples, so my AMH and FSH shouldn't matter, as long as I can produce the eggs and they turn into viable embryos. I'm assuming if we produce more than 3, which doesn't seem likely, we would have to pay for storage of the extras. All of our questions should be answered next week, so I will report back and let you know.
I just scheduled our IVF consultation for next week (which is SO not ideal, considering D has so little time off at work and I have a huge deadline next week, but the doctor has limited availability so what can you do?). I can't believe we're at this point already. I honestly have no idea how we're going to pay for it, unless our house magically sells for asking price, and we manage to get a good deal on a new house, or we drain our savings, which I really don't want to do. D is adamantly against taking any help from his parents, who really want us to be able to have a family and have been extremely supportive. He is also adamantly against crowd-funding (is that what the young people are calling it nowadays?). After seeing some of my younger compatriots raising money on the internet for such things as replacing their stolen bike (this request was from someone who can EASILY afford a new one), I have to agree that asking for money is not what I want to do. But still, it's a lot of money, and we're not wealthy, nor do we have insurance coverage for IVF.
The surgeon who removed my fibroids suggested we try naturally for another 6 months, and sneak another HSG in there to make sure the surgeries didn't obstruct my tubes. But by that point, I'll be 37. I know from reading other blogs that IVF can take some time, and waiting 6 months before we even start the process just doesn't seem like a good idea, especially considering my not-so-good AMH and FSH levels last summer - one year before the doctor's proposed move to IVF.
We're Kaiser members, and I'm pretty excited about their new program where we live. Because I'm 37 or younger (another good reason NOT to wait), if we can produce up to 3 embryos and are willing to only transfer 1 during the first attempt, they will freeze two extras and transfer them for free (either one at a time, or both together) in future attempts if the first doesn't work out, for no additional cost. This is not actually meant to be a cost-saving program for patients, although it can end up that way. The primary goal of the program is to reduce multiples, so my AMH and FSH shouldn't matter, as long as I can produce the eggs and they turn into viable embryos. I'm assuming if we produce more than 3, which doesn't seem likely, we would have to pay for storage of the extras. All of our questions should be answered next week, so I will report back and let you know.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
IVF seminar (but first, other random thoughts!)
First, I want to say, I love my husband very, very much. I'm not the kind of girl who wanted to get married and start a family just for the sake of getting married and starting a family, so I would have to love my husband very much in order to take the plunge. But wow, he can sure be frustrating sometimes. Trying to get him to help out around the house is a pain. There are some things he does, such as laundry (but he leaves all my clean clothes in a big pile on my side of the bed, and doesn't tell me until I head into the bedroom to go to bed, and then I have more work to do). He often clears the table after dinner, and if I'm lucky he'll put some dishes in the dishwasher. But most of the time, he seems to think that since he worked all day, he should get the evening off. But I worked all day too!!! And if I ask if he wants to go out to eat, he often says he's tired, he just wants to stay home, which translates to me cooking and cleaning while he sits and looks at stuff on his tablet. Anyway, last night he actually did the dishes and it was AWESOME. And as much as I want to thank him for it, he really should be doing the dishes EVERY night.
Anyway, one more random note before I jump into the main event. Our house has been on the market for just over a week. We've had a ton of people come to see it, and we've received one offer so far, that is lower than we'd like. We countered with a much higher offer, but still offered to pay more than our share of closing costs. On the one hand, I feel a bit of a kindred spirit with the buyer. She's a single woman, like I was when I bought the house (well, it's possible she's NOT single, but she is buying the house by herself - any partner in her life will not be on the title). She is using an FHA loan, borrowing something like 96% of the purchase price. I didn't have to borrow quite that much, but only because I was "lucky" enough to have lost my job a few months earlier and received a lot of money in severance and unused vacation pay. But we want to move into a nicer house, in a nicer neighborhood, and have enough space to raise a family. We also need to have enough money to START a family, since IVF isn't cheap and the more traditional methods aren't working. So we can't really be too accommodating.
We put an offer on a house my husband really likes in a nearby town. Of course, as is our luck with these things, someone else made an offer on the same day, after the house had been on the market with no activity for 50 days. We're waiting to hear back, but since we're not in contract to sell our house yet, it's unlikely we will get it. I'm hoping we will be in contract soon, and that we can then buy the house I really want, even though it needs some work.
So last night we went to an IVF seminar. It was really good, because my husband finally got a good explanation of how a lot of this stuff works. I think he really understands the different options now, and why IVF is a better option than IUI (since, as far as we know, his sperm are perfect and IUI doesn't really do anything that we can't do ourselves for free). I told them we would probably be interested in starting the process in two months, and that they could contact us to set up our initial consult. We got to see video of a sperm making it's way into an egg on it's own, and with help from an embryologist (and now I kind of want to be an embryologist. It looks cool!). We also got to see lots and lots of pictures of eggs, embryos at different stages of cell division, and blastocysts.
I was only mildly disappointed when we got to the car afterwards, and he turned to me and asked "so is an egg different from an embryo?"
Anyway, one more random note before I jump into the main event. Our house has been on the market for just over a week. We've had a ton of people come to see it, and we've received one offer so far, that is lower than we'd like. We countered with a much higher offer, but still offered to pay more than our share of closing costs. On the one hand, I feel a bit of a kindred spirit with the buyer. She's a single woman, like I was when I bought the house (well, it's possible she's NOT single, but she is buying the house by herself - any partner in her life will not be on the title). She is using an FHA loan, borrowing something like 96% of the purchase price. I didn't have to borrow quite that much, but only because I was "lucky" enough to have lost my job a few months earlier and received a lot of money in severance and unused vacation pay. But we want to move into a nicer house, in a nicer neighborhood, and have enough space to raise a family. We also need to have enough money to START a family, since IVF isn't cheap and the more traditional methods aren't working. So we can't really be too accommodating.
We put an offer on a house my husband really likes in a nearby town. Of course, as is our luck with these things, someone else made an offer on the same day, after the house had been on the market with no activity for 50 days. We're waiting to hear back, but since we're not in contract to sell our house yet, it's unlikely we will get it. I'm hoping we will be in contract soon, and that we can then buy the house I really want, even though it needs some work.
So last night we went to an IVF seminar. It was really good, because my husband finally got a good explanation of how a lot of this stuff works. I think he really understands the different options now, and why IVF is a better option than IUI (since, as far as we know, his sperm are perfect and IUI doesn't really do anything that we can't do ourselves for free). I told them we would probably be interested in starting the process in two months, and that they could contact us to set up our initial consult. We got to see video of a sperm making it's way into an egg on it's own, and with help from an embryologist (and now I kind of want to be an embryologist. It looks cool!). We also got to see lots and lots of pictures of eggs, embryos at different stages of cell division, and blastocysts.
I was only mildly disappointed when we got to the car afterwards, and he turned to me and asked "so is an egg different from an embryo?"
Thursday, March 5, 2015
I am so lost in time
Our house went on the market two days ago. Someone already came to see it yesterday, and someone else is coming today. We do still have a bit of work to do in order to get the back yard fixed up, which we will hopefully do this weekend. In the meantime, I'm biting my fingernails down to nothing worrying about what happens if it sells and we're unable to buy a new house quickly enough, or if it doesn't sell. We don't really have great plans for either scenario.
So I've been doing such a bad job of keeping track of my cycle, that when I felt a small cramp yesterday, I thought "maybe it's implantation!" HAHAHAHAHA. According to my app, which I checked this morning to see where I am in my cycle, I probably haven't even ovulated yet.
Anyway, I don't have much more to write. I'm exhausted, worn out, and just run down.
So I've been doing such a bad job of keeping track of my cycle, that when I felt a small cramp yesterday, I thought "maybe it's implantation!" HAHAHAHAHA. According to my app, which I checked this morning to see where I am in my cycle, I probably haven't even ovulated yet.
Anyway, I don't have much more to write. I'm exhausted, worn out, and just run down.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
I don't know what's wrong with me
I have lost my temper with D so much lately, and I'm beginning to dislike myself. Sure, he could do more around the house (like putting his own dishes in the dishwasher, or even cleaning up after dinner!) but I feel like I'm just always on edge. I know a big part of it is that I'm not doing any testing for anything right now. I haven't called about an HSG (partly because I just don't want to have one), I'm not charting my BBT, I'm not testing for ovulation. I barely even know where I am in my cycle. On the one hand, it's nice not to think about it. On the other hand, I hate not knowing what's going on. Coupled with our current limbo about our living situation, I'm just feeling very nervous.
Speaking of our current living situation. Our house is supposedly going on the market today. TODAY. I'm not really feeling ready, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later. I'm so very, very nervous about it. When I bought the house we live in right now, I had recently lost my job and my apartment (due to the bank foreclosing on the building and forcing everyone to move out). Without a job, I was unable to find a new place to live, and I had to move in with my mother, which was a very, very bad situation. As I've said before, my mother can be downright mean, and having to live with her was torture. In addition to living with someone who treated me like a servant, I had a long commute and my kitty died while we were there, which I attribute to my mom's cat attacking her (unsubstantiated, but I stand by my theory). I'm terrified of being homeless again. It was horrible.
And as much as I want to live in a smaller town, I'm also not excited about moving away from the city I've called home for most of the last 10 years. I will be leaving friends, restaurants, my gym, my activities, everything I've gotten used to having around, and moving to a small town where we don't really know anyone. It's closer to my sister, yes, but not THAT much closer. I will be completely dependent on either my husband or my motorcycle to get to work (and to doctor's appointments), since I don't have any options for parking a car at or near my office. The amount of time we'll spend commuting will make it much harder to be social, although my husband doesn't care since he'll still have his video games.
I can feel myself getting resentful, and I don't know what to do.
Speaking of our current living situation. Our house is supposedly going on the market today. TODAY. I'm not really feeling ready, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later. I'm so very, very nervous about it. When I bought the house we live in right now, I had recently lost my job and my apartment (due to the bank foreclosing on the building and forcing everyone to move out). Without a job, I was unable to find a new place to live, and I had to move in with my mother, which was a very, very bad situation. As I've said before, my mother can be downright mean, and having to live with her was torture. In addition to living with someone who treated me like a servant, I had a long commute and my kitty died while we were there, which I attribute to my mom's cat attacking her (unsubstantiated, but I stand by my theory). I'm terrified of being homeless again. It was horrible.
And as much as I want to live in a smaller town, I'm also not excited about moving away from the city I've called home for most of the last 10 years. I will be leaving friends, restaurants, my gym, my activities, everything I've gotten used to having around, and moving to a small town where we don't really know anyone. It's closer to my sister, yes, but not THAT much closer. I will be completely dependent on either my husband or my motorcycle to get to work (and to doctor's appointments), since I don't have any options for parking a car at or near my office. The amount of time we'll spend commuting will make it much harder to be social, although my husband doesn't care since he'll still have his video games.
I can feel myself getting resentful, and I don't know what to do.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
My good mood did not last long
I spent last night grouting. I ended up having to use my bare hands, and this morning I have three fingertips that are so raw and sore that it hurts to type. I'm typing this L-style (L being my brother-in-law who despite starting a successful tech company types with only his thumb and first finger on each hand. I now want to write a song about him called "L-style", similar to "Gangnam Style". I will use the popularity of that song to become independently wealthy).
Anyway, I stayed home this morning to wait for the pond guy to come and see if our pond was repairable. It would cost a small fortune to repair, so we will probably be filling it in. I then rushed to work as quickly as possible, since it's our busy time. I was already crabby, since I had a hard time getting my bike out of the garage. Then I rode to work, going around a road construction sign that some moronic construction worker had set up IN THE BIKE LANE. It's a lane of traffic, not a repository for public employees to put stationary objects. Sheesh. I don't even want to think about how many pregnant women I saw on my way.
So I have decided not to test for ovulation this month. I'm super stressed and my cycles are off and I just don't want to deal with it right now. That doesn't mean I'm not hoping to get pregnant. I'm still hoping for that. But I think for now, I will go to the Kaiser IVF seminar, schedule my next HSG, and wait to see what my cycles do. And if I have to, I'll request another AMH test, since my first two were so wildly different.
Anyway, I stayed home this morning to wait for the pond guy to come and see if our pond was repairable. It would cost a small fortune to repair, so we will probably be filling it in. I then rushed to work as quickly as possible, since it's our busy time. I was already crabby, since I had a hard time getting my bike out of the garage. Then I rode to work, going around a road construction sign that some moronic construction worker had set up IN THE BIKE LANE. It's a lane of traffic, not a repository for public employees to put stationary objects. Sheesh. I don't even want to think about how many pregnant women I saw on my way.
So I have decided not to test for ovulation this month. I'm super stressed and my cycles are off and I just don't want to deal with it right now. That doesn't mean I'm not hoping to get pregnant. I'm still hoping for that. But I think for now, I will go to the Kaiser IVF seminar, schedule my next HSG, and wait to see what my cycles do. And if I have to, I'll request another AMH test, since my first two were so wildly different.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
How did I forget to mention this???
I went with my sister to tour a senior living facility Saturday morning. It was super nice (and super expensive). Before going on the tour, we talked with the director of the facility quite a bit. I'm not sure how it came up, but perhaps because my niece came with us, the director mentioned that her kids were getting older, but one friend was starting her family later, and had gotten married in her late 30s to a guy who wanted 4 or 5 kids. She was nervous, but figured it would never happen considering her age. Apparently, this friend is now 43 and pregnant with her third. The director of the nursing home told us she reassured her friend that she isn't likely to have more because her eggs are going to be too old. Ha. Ha. Ha. That made me feel awesome.
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