My husband (who is seriously in the dog house right now, for other reasons) and I were eating some meal sometime this weekend and listening to Pandora. I believe it was lunch on Saturday, but we had such a crazy weekend that I can't remember. Anyway, we were listening to Pandora and an ad came on about a local fertility clinic that offered embryo donation programs. I looked it up, and the price is very comparable to the program we're in right now. As much as I like the idea of having a genetically-linked child, I'm not that picky, honestly. What if the baby ended up with my horrible vision and his horrible teeth? I would feel so bad about it!
In terms of pros and cons, the donated embryo option would be slightly cheaper and would come with a guarantee (no baby after three tries = money back). The embryo would likely be healthier than any embryo we could make ourselves since our eggs and sperm are older and likely to have more problems. I'm really leaning towards IVF with donated embryos. My husband, on the other hand, wants to try regular IVF first, but if that failed, I don't see how we could afford any more treatments, and the donor embryos have a much higher chance of working, plus I wouldn't have to go through the agony of stimulation and collection.
In other news, I've been thinking a lot lately about how men have traditionally avoided marriage (because they lose their freedoms, have a wife and future family to support, etc) and women have traditionally wanted marriage (because they need someone to support them), and I wonder why that stereotype hasn't changed now that more women are working, and more women are primary breadwinners. I got married last summer. I love my husband. But I'm the primary breadwinner, and I'm still somehow expected to do all the cooking and housework, and manage the household. My husband does do the laundry, walks the dogs, and does a few other things around the house. But I feel like he gets WAY more out of being married than I do. Ergo, I think it's time to change the stereotype.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
Waiting
CD 1 and CD 2 have come and gone. We decided to wait one more cycle to start IVF. I'm quite unhappy with the whole situation, but I can't really do anything about it until we get moving sorted out. I think we'll try regular IVF once and hope that it works out. If by some miracle we end up with two or more embryos, we'll use the program that allows us to do multiple transfers for free if we agree to only do one at a time. If it doesn't work ou, maybe try with donor embryos? I just don't know. We won't have any money left at all at that point, although I'm currently looking into an IVF loan. Which is pretty momentous, since I despise all forms of debt. As soon as I realized how difficult it would be to pay my student loans back, I decided never to take on debt, other than a mortgage. And now I have a loan for three motorcycles, although that will be paid off in the next few months. But I've never had a car loan (in fact, I've never paid more than $3000 for a car). I never keep much on my credit card for any length of time, except for right now since we're about to move. I hate the thought of borrowing so much money for something that has such a low chance of working. I hate the thought of borrowing money for something that is a sure thing, but at least you can feel ok about it.
I finally told my boss about IVF. In addition to moving, IVF is going to cause me to miss quite a bit of work (not full days, though). In the next few months. He knows people who've done it, and seemed confident it would work. I didn't really want to get into the details about my diminished ovarian reserve. My office is a wonderful place - everyone is incredibly kind and supportive, and looks for any excuse to celebrate someone who deserves it - buying a house, getting married, having a baby, running a marathon, ANYTHING is worth celebrating. Everyone participates regardless of gender. We go out for lunch or gelato regularly. It's really an amazing place to work, even though I'm not that excited about what we actually do. But I'm the only one struggling with infertility - out of the 12 or so staff members in my group, one had a baby a few weeks ago, one is due any day now, and another is due in two months. Another has 1.5-year-old twins, one has a 2-year-old, and has a 6-month-old. There are babies EVERYWHERE. I am so very happy for all of my coworkers, but it can be hard not to let it get me down.
I finally told my boss about IVF. In addition to moving, IVF is going to cause me to miss quite a bit of work (not full days, though). In the next few months. He knows people who've done it, and seemed confident it would work. I didn't really want to get into the details about my diminished ovarian reserve. My office is a wonderful place - everyone is incredibly kind and supportive, and looks for any excuse to celebrate someone who deserves it - buying a house, getting married, having a baby, running a marathon, ANYTHING is worth celebrating. Everyone participates regardless of gender. We go out for lunch or gelato regularly. It's really an amazing place to work, even though I'm not that excited about what we actually do. But I'm the only one struggling with infertility - out of the 12 or so staff members in my group, one had a baby a few weeks ago, one is due any day now, and another is due in two months. Another has 1.5-year-old twins, one has a 2-year-old, and has a 6-month-old. There are babies EVERYWHERE. I am so very happy for all of my coworkers, but it can be hard not to let it get me down.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Good news/Bad news
So first the good news - our offer was accepted! We're going to have to do more work than we wanted to on our own house in order to get the contingencies cleared as soon as possible, but if all goes as planned we'll be moving in 25 days. Unfortunately, that's going to coincide with my older sister's wedding, so it's going to take some serious planning and coordinating to make everything happen, but I'm confident we can do it.
I saw my OBGYN for my pap smear yesterday. She was the doctor who originally referred me to the infertility center last year. She had reviewed my file and all my test results before she came in (I love doctors who do that!) and she told me that while my chances of having a baby were definitely reduced, that a small chance is not the same thing as no chance. She also suggested donor eggs, but acknowledged that it can be expensive. That was a little frustrating. Then I got home to discover the bill for my January surgery in my mailbox, the surgery that I had in order to make sure my uterus was prepared for a baby. It was $3400. At the rate we're spending money, we're not going to get enough out of selling our house to even pay for one round of IVF, much less do some of the work I want to do on the house.
I started my period today, and we're not in a position to pay $15,000 for IVF in 4 weeks, so we'll be waiting until next cycle to get started. I'm so nervous about waiting even one more month, but I think once we're moved into our new house and all of the stress of buying and selling at the same time is over I'll start feeling better about the whole process.
I saw my OBGYN for my pap smear yesterday. She was the doctor who originally referred me to the infertility center last year. She had reviewed my file and all my test results before she came in (I love doctors who do that!) and she told me that while my chances of having a baby were definitely reduced, that a small chance is not the same thing as no chance. She also suggested donor eggs, but acknowledged that it can be expensive. That was a little frustrating. Then I got home to discover the bill for my January surgery in my mailbox, the surgery that I had in order to make sure my uterus was prepared for a baby. It was $3400. At the rate we're spending money, we're not going to get enough out of selling our house to even pay for one round of IVF, much less do some of the work I want to do on the house.
I started my period today, and we're not in a position to pay $15,000 for IVF in 4 weeks, so we'll be waiting until next cycle to get started. I'm so nervous about waiting even one more month, but I think once we're moved into our new house and all of the stress of buying and selling at the same time is over I'll start feeling better about the whole process.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
We're looking at homelessness (and childlessness!)
It seems no one wants to sell a house to anyone who is in the process of selling their old house. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this last one we made an offer on (house number 6, offer number 7 since we made two offers on the same house, once before we were in contract, once after). We even wrote the owners, who are the original owners from 1975(!), to tell them that we really just want a nice house to raise a family in (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). After we sent it, I immediately had thoughts of them coming back in 5 years asking where our kids were, and accusing us of buying their home under false pretenses.
I spent Easter with my mother, the least supportive person in the world. I am not a religious person, but she is, and she begged me to come so she wouldn't have to spend Easter alone. It was a disaster. My husband and I went to her house and picked her up to go out. It was sort of a last-minute decision, and I would have been perfectly happy cooking something, but I think he felt bad about me having to do all the cooking and cleaning at her house when I do most of it at home too. So we drove around trying to find a restaurant that was open and had space for us, and we ended up at a VERY expensive restaurant. The bill came to $200. My mom's first attempt to pay with her credit card was declined. Luckily, she has a whole wallet full of credit cards! So she managed to pay, but there is no way I'm ever going out with her again. And then, they gave us caramel candy, and right after she said "I once lost a filling to a caramel", guess what happened? That's right, and not only a filling, but also part of a tooth.
So I have my pap smear today and then we'll be rapidly approaching decision time for IVF. I'm anxious to get an antral follicle count. I think that will give us a much better idea of the likelihood of IVF working. Every month I hold out hope that this could be the month. As every doctor has told us, there's no reason why we haven't gotten pregnant on our own (of course, that was before we knew just how badly my ovaries were doing). Today is CD 23. Last month, my cycle was 23 days, and the previous month it was 21, and those are the only two cycles I've had since all of the fibroids were removed. At the moment, there is no sign of a period, and I usually have spotting the week before. I have no breast tenderness (but I never do for ovulation or PMS or anything), I've had some nausea, and today I'm constipated. Also, for the last week, I've had tons of lower back pain, and since my uterus is retroverted (that's the word for tipped backward, right?), I tend to feel anything that happens in my back as well as my front. So maybe this is the cycle where everything works the way it should.
I spent Easter with my mother, the least supportive person in the world. I am not a religious person, but she is, and she begged me to come so she wouldn't have to spend Easter alone. It was a disaster. My husband and I went to her house and picked her up to go out. It was sort of a last-minute decision, and I would have been perfectly happy cooking something, but I think he felt bad about me having to do all the cooking and cleaning at her house when I do most of it at home too. So we drove around trying to find a restaurant that was open and had space for us, and we ended up at a VERY expensive restaurant. The bill came to $200. My mom's first attempt to pay with her credit card was declined. Luckily, she has a whole wallet full of credit cards! So she managed to pay, but there is no way I'm ever going out with her again. And then, they gave us caramel candy, and right after she said "I once lost a filling to a caramel", guess what happened? That's right, and not only a filling, but also part of a tooth.
So I have my pap smear today and then we'll be rapidly approaching decision time for IVF. I'm anxious to get an antral follicle count. I think that will give us a much better idea of the likelihood of IVF working. Every month I hold out hope that this could be the month. As every doctor has told us, there's no reason why we haven't gotten pregnant on our own (of course, that was before we knew just how badly my ovaries were doing). Today is CD 23. Last month, my cycle was 23 days, and the previous month it was 21, and those are the only two cycles I've had since all of the fibroids were removed. At the moment, there is no sign of a period, and I usually have spotting the week before. I have no breast tenderness (but I never do for ovulation or PMS or anything), I've had some nausea, and today I'm constipated. Also, for the last week, I've had tons of lower back pain, and since my uterus is retroverted (that's the word for tipped backward, right?), I tend to feel anything that happens in my back as well as my front. So maybe this is the cycle where everything works the way it should.
Friday, April 3, 2015
I don't know what we're going to do now
Here is the information I have. At the beginning of June last year, my AMH was 1.35. At the beginning of August (two months later) it was 0.8. At the beginning of April this year (8 months later) it's down to 0.4. I'm concerned that my eggs will be gone by the end of the year at this rate. I'm also concerned that IVF may not work for us, and I don't want to pour money into something that is going to be seriously unpleasant to do and unlikely to work. On the other hand, I don't want to just give up.
I moved up my final doctor's appointment before I can go in to get an antral follicle count and get started on figuring out IVF to Tuesday. I'm hoping my period doesn't come before then, but with how strange and inconsistent it has been lately, I'm not holding out hope. Can you get a pap smear when you have your period?
So if we're going to do IVF, I think we're going to have to do it soon. Like, really soon. I don't know what we'll do if we put thousands of dollars into it and end up with no embryos. I was angry enough that we would probably have to do IVF. I'm even angrier knowing that the chance of success is so small.
Both my husband and I are willing to consider adoption, although we would both prefer to adopt younger children. I personally don't think I could handle kids with major issues, I hate to say. We already have a dog with major issues, and my husband has problems with his legs, and I don't think I can handle any more. We would also probably have problems with the costs, especially if we tried IVF first. So for now, I just don't know.
I moved up my final doctor's appointment before I can go in to get an antral follicle count and get started on figuring out IVF to Tuesday. I'm hoping my period doesn't come before then, but with how strange and inconsistent it has been lately, I'm not holding out hope. Can you get a pap smear when you have your period?
So if we're going to do IVF, I think we're going to have to do it soon. Like, really soon. I don't know what we'll do if we put thousands of dollars into it and end up with no embryos. I was angry enough that we would probably have to do IVF. I'm even angrier knowing that the chance of success is so small.
Both my husband and I are willing to consider adoption, although we would both prefer to adopt younger children. I personally don't think I could handle kids with major issues, I hate to say. We already have a dog with major issues, and my husband has problems with his legs, and I don't think I can handle any more. We would also probably have problems with the costs, especially if we tried IVF first. So for now, I just don't know.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
It just gets worse
My AMH is down to 0.4. I just cried at work. This is not good. This is really, really, really bad.
I'm currently losing my sh!t
We didn't get the house. They decided to sell to friends of theirs who were interested. I'm not even sure why they bothered with a bidding war, unless they just wanted to piss people off for no reason. I'm getting ridiculously discouraged.
We got our inspection report yesterday. The buyer is asking for all kinds of stuff to be fixed. We will be saying no to most of it, but one of the items will need to be taken care of in order for the buyer to get her FHA loan. The estimate from her inspector (who is also a contractor I guess?) seemed insanely high. I don't see how I'll have the time to get other bids, and I don't even know where to start with that. But we don't have the money to have it fixed right now, unless we just put it on the credit card, which will bring us so much closer to maxing it out and probably ruining our chances of getting a decent interest rate on a new loan for a house.
Speaking of which, my husband then asked if we don't have the money to fix the house, how do we have money for IVF? That's a good point. We don't. I was hoping that after we sold the house and paid off our bills (which are climbing exponentially at this point between the multiple trips to the emergency vet and constantly making repairs on the house), we would have some money left over and could supplement it with borrowing from our line of credit at the bank and/or using a credit card (not my preferred option, but there you go). Of course, this all assumes that the sale of our house actually happens (I'm not convinced it will anymore, considering what we're planning to say no to) and we actually find another house to buy. My husband thinks we should put IVF on hold indefinitely. Considering I'm 4.5 months away from 37, I'm not convinced it's a good idea, but I honestly don't see how we can pay for it. I emailed my RE last night asking what my latest AMH level was. I had it done twice last year at two different labs, about 3 months apart (give or take) and it dropped dramatically in those three months. I'm worried it may be down to nothing now, which will help us figure out what to do.
Speaking of buying another house. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to move. The idea was that we would move to a smaller city that's a bit farther away from work, but isn't in a direction where there is a lot of traffic. We would be closer to our families, but we don't know anyone in that town. We were hoping we would be able to afford a 3 or 4 bedroom house, so we would have room for kid(s), and hopefully a decent size yard.
I'm now realizing that 1) We probably can't afford a 3 or 4 bedroom house unless we seriously compromise on everything else about the house (size of the yard, crappiness of the house), 2) I'm not sure why we would want to trade our super-nice house with our great big yard for a crappier house that will give us more room for kids if doing so will make it impossible to have those kids, since they're going to cost at least $15,000 each, 3) It will take me farther away from everything I care about. Not that I ever spend time on anything I care about anymore anyway.
I'm thinking perhaps my husband and I can both get second jobs to help finance the IVF. I'm not sure what else to do. Considering how much student debt I have, I just don't feel comfortable taking on a lot more debt (my student debt is not the biggest amount I've ever heard of, but it's still really, really big. Kids: don't go to graduate school unless your chosen field pays REALLY well. And even then, think about it for a few years first).
We got our inspection report yesterday. The buyer is asking for all kinds of stuff to be fixed. We will be saying no to most of it, but one of the items will need to be taken care of in order for the buyer to get her FHA loan. The estimate from her inspector (who is also a contractor I guess?) seemed insanely high. I don't see how I'll have the time to get other bids, and I don't even know where to start with that. But we don't have the money to have it fixed right now, unless we just put it on the credit card, which will bring us so much closer to maxing it out and probably ruining our chances of getting a decent interest rate on a new loan for a house.
Speaking of which, my husband then asked if we don't have the money to fix the house, how do we have money for IVF? That's a good point. We don't. I was hoping that after we sold the house and paid off our bills (which are climbing exponentially at this point between the multiple trips to the emergency vet and constantly making repairs on the house), we would have some money left over and could supplement it with borrowing from our line of credit at the bank and/or using a credit card (not my preferred option, but there you go). Of course, this all assumes that the sale of our house actually happens (I'm not convinced it will anymore, considering what we're planning to say no to) and we actually find another house to buy. My husband thinks we should put IVF on hold indefinitely. Considering I'm 4.5 months away from 37, I'm not convinced it's a good idea, but I honestly don't see how we can pay for it. I emailed my RE last night asking what my latest AMH level was. I had it done twice last year at two different labs, about 3 months apart (give or take) and it dropped dramatically in those three months. I'm worried it may be down to nothing now, which will help us figure out what to do.
Speaking of buying another house. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to move. The idea was that we would move to a smaller city that's a bit farther away from work, but isn't in a direction where there is a lot of traffic. We would be closer to our families, but we don't know anyone in that town. We were hoping we would be able to afford a 3 or 4 bedroom house, so we would have room for kid(s), and hopefully a decent size yard.
I'm now realizing that 1) We probably can't afford a 3 or 4 bedroom house unless we seriously compromise on everything else about the house (size of the yard, crappiness of the house), 2) I'm not sure why we would want to trade our super-nice house with our great big yard for a crappier house that will give us more room for kids if doing so will make it impossible to have those kids, since they're going to cost at least $15,000 each, 3) It will take me farther away from everything I care about. Not that I ever spend time on anything I care about anymore anyway.
I'm thinking perhaps my husband and I can both get second jobs to help finance the IVF. I'm not sure what else to do. Considering how much student debt I have, I just don't feel comfortable taking on a lot more debt (my student debt is not the biggest amount I've ever heard of, but it's still really, really big. Kids: don't go to graduate school unless your chosen field pays REALLY well. And even then, think about it for a few years first).
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