Looking back

I recently re-read my posts from 2011 and earlier.  I'm a little shocked to realize that I was dealing with very obvious depression, and I didn't recognize it at the time.  And it's REALLY obvious.

In case you couldn't tell, that's not the case anymore.  A lot of things happened that precipitated the change, but the two big ones were my mother having serious mental issues and taking it out on me, and the suicide of a friend.  I quickly realized that my problems were spinning out of control and I got myself to a therapist who helped me work through some (but not all) of what was going on with me.  Not long after that, I met my husband and it seemed like things were going to be happily-ever-after.

Fro a long time I really didn't want kids.  I enjoyed doing things - rock-climbing, snowboarding, hiking, backpacking, traveling - and it seemed like kids would just get in the way.  Then my sister had some kids, and I realized how much I loved them and how much I would enjoy being a mother as well.  When I met my husband, he really wanted kids, and I wanted to be able to have those kids.

I haven't even talked to the doctor yet, and even if I'm interpreting the test results correctly (and I'm pretty sure I am), I know it's not a complete no-go, just a smaller chance.  Considering I spent my first 33 years sure that I wouldn't have children, and being fine with that, it seems strange to be upset now that I may not be able to have children, but I was beginning to envision that life for myself, and it was starting to seem great.